Here it is, the much anticipated second installment of a potentially infinite series pointing out the pure crap that some companies have decided to put on TV as commercials.
Next up: McDonald’s Coffee
Now, I can already tell what you’re thinking, and I agree. McDonald’s as an entire corporation isn’t really lighting up smiles across the nation with their other ads, but they’re not that bad overall.
Granted that someone at McDonald’s has the audacity to attempt to pull off their value menu as a trendy hipster thing to do. On the spectrum of things hipsters hate McDonalds is probably right in between “being seen as unoriginal” and Nickelback. But it is what it is.
But then there’s McDonald’s coffee. After one marketing guy came up with random rap songs about food and got promoted, and another came up with break dancers and moved up, this guy must have been the only guy left on the brainstorming team. His assignment, come up with a marketing plan, with gazillions of dollars at your disposal, to get people into McDonald’s Coffee.
The great part about this, is that McDonald’s Coffee is good. It’s not great, but it’s cheap and it’s not half bad. Plus they’ll actually put the cream in sugar in for you, if you like that sort of thing. So really the only thing this product needs is awareness. Dead serious here, a 30 second commercial of just a cup of steaming coffee with a tag line that says “In a hurry? Drive through for a cup for $.99” would be just fine.
But no. Instead we get this steaming pile of crap.
A few things. First off this guy is a total asshole. If you have to be rude to everyone on the entire planet until you have your coffee, you should probably make that crap at home and take some with you. I mean he seems reasonably put together, he can probably afford a coffee maker. Also, if you refuse to talk to anyone until you’ve had your coffee, then maybe you shouldn’t sit right beside someone on the bus? I mean there are clearly several seats available not right beside someone who is clearly cheerful.
Next, this is a guy who apparently can’t be bothered by FREAKING ANYONE until he has his coffee right? Yet to get to the nearest McDonald’s he has to walk around the block, past a giant building, GET ON A BUS, and he’s still not there. I don’t know if you’ve ever opened your eyes before but there’s a McDonald’s like every few hundred yards in most major cities.
Then, if that’s not enough, he seems genuinely shocked that the chick at McDonald’s offers a small coffee for 99 cents. I mean the guy just took a greyhound from the suburbs to get there, you’d think he’d know. And if he didn’t know, then why didn’t he stop for coffee earlier in the trip? Stupid.
Anyway, all of this goes into how crappy this commercial is. And here’s the real root of why. Who does this commercial appeal to? When you’re sitting there thinking up this commercial, who does this reach out to?
And because I don’t just like pointing out what’s wrong with the world, here’s how this commercial could have worked. Have the guy get up, but make it so that until he has his coffee, he literally doesn’t notice anything else going on. He’s not a total jerk, he’s just out of it. Have the roommate, guy with dog, chick on bus, everyone can talk to him but it’s like he can’t see them. Then he goes in, slaps down his 99 cents (because he loves McDonald’s coffee and is a regular) and suddenly he notices the world going on around him. You know who that appeals to? Everyone that hates getting up in the morning but isn’t intentionally a jerk to everyone. Thank you, I’ll take my marketing job now McDonald’s.
